shitty day

Today was like yesterday but amped up. In short, it kinda sucked. Lab bullshit, interpersonal fuckery, and petulant faculty are some of the things that have kept me stressed. I've about had it with this shit. Oh and my doctor is leaving to practice in MA. I don't blame her, I'd flee this state too if I had somewhere to flee to. But it still sucks I have to find a new primary care physician. Sucks a whole lot.

One of the few things that keeps me here in my PhD program (not necessary keeps me going, but here at least) is that I have little confidence in the following:
Whether life/work would be better any place else
Whether I have the energy and physical ability to make a new start at a new job which would be anything more secure, rewarding, flexible, and higher paying than convenience store clerking (no offense to folks who work in those settings that kind of job barely makes ends meet, I could never work the hours I'd need to even squeak by, and I'd have a whole lot of useless education debt to pay off)

Right now, my head hurts and I hate a whole lot of people. Mostly I am disgusted with the petulant faculty. They should behave at least a little better since they have the advantages and luxuries of age (not too old, not too young, right smack in the middle), health, life and career experience, a fatter paycheck, some minimal degree of respect, and greater job security than the other people who have been acting like children today. But I cut slack for circumstances, and I realize that with my division going down fast, the other grads are in the same fithy waterlogged boat I'm in, whether they consciously realize it or not.