Terror

Oh my, that was such a bad idea, staying up so late Sunday night. I had to write and think, but now my day is fucked. I guess it would have felt fucked whether or not I stayed up late given the T related circumstances of my evening, the miserable joint stiffening 93% humidity I woke up to, and my advisor being back from her vacation.

My advisor (C____). The thought of her over the last few days has made my stomach do flips. I will soon be in a whole lot of trouble for having nothing to show (paper draft progress wise) for these last few weeks. It is research that is not mine, research that is sloppy and, in my opinion, was a poorly thought out design for the presumed research question. I'd even go so far as to say while it is analyzable, the results are just plain uninterprettable in any but the most trivial of manners. But this all is not a good enough excuse. I tried saying I can't do this, but it didn't work. "But we got significance" said the man whose project it was before he left my advisor holding his fucked up data. And so I am stuck with this evil paper that is killing my academic motivation...which these days would be weak enough anyhow. How do you deal with these little moments in your life? "Hi C____. No....no...nothing to show for a draft. Yes, that's right. Nothing. Nothing at all. In fact, I would also really like to talk to you about that." My question is how do I deal with this without sounding whiney, and if I think my reasoning might sound whiney, does that mean it probably is and it's just self delusion to think it could be otherwise?

On a different but still entirely not light note, I was reading this today and wondering why convicted women's clinic, gay bar, and Olympics bomber Eric Rudolph isn't called a terrorist in the popular press. Does he fit the description? Mostly. Deos he perpetrate anonymous, violent acts of "vengeance" for perceived wrongs done to himself, his "people", or the belief system they share? Yes. Do the attacks involve both small and large group settings? Yes. Are the attacks justified to himself and those sympathetic to his cause by a hyper-mutant cult-like religion which apparently has commandments like "thou shalt kill the infidel/harlot/fag/babykilling women's clinic receptionist". Does he have and utilize access to a network of like-minded folks whom he can turn to for hiding out, bomb making materials, terrorist brain storming sessions, and financial support? Yes.

Hell, he even meets the Bush test, which is "does he claim to hate the federal government?" Indeed, he does.
I've linked the AP story above, but below are excerpts from the text also since I have no idea how long that link will be good for.

(excerpted from)
Rudolph Victims Tell of Pain at Sentencing
By JAY REEVES
Associated Press Writer
Jul 18, 12:15 PM EDT

BIRMINGHAM, Ala. (AP) -- A nurse critically injured when Eric Rudolph detonated a bomb outside an abortion clinic described him Monday as "a monster," while the woman who was widowed that day told of the pain of breaking the news to her son.

Rudolph, 38, pleaded guilty in April to setting off a remote-controlled bomb that maimed Lyons and killed police officer Robert "Sande" Sanderson, moonlighting as a security guard outside the New Woman All Women clinic on the morning of Jan. 29, 1998. Rudolph also faces sentencing Aug. 22 in Atlanta for the 1996 Olympics bombing that killed one woman and injured more than 100, as well as 1997 bombings at an abortion clinic and gay bar in Atlanta. Under the plea agreement, he will be sentenced to four life terms without parole for the Birmingham and Atlanta bombings.

In a statement distributed after his guilty pleas, Rudolph portrayed himself as a devout Christian and said the bombings were motivated by his hatred of abortion and a federal government that lets it continue. "The fact that I have entered an agreement with the government is purely a tactical choice on my part and in no way legitimates the moral authority of the government to judge this matter or to impute guilt," Rudolph said.