Radioactive

So has anyone heard of a gallium scan? I've got one in ten days. If you've ever had one or know someone who has, drop me a line.

It sounds creepy but the doc says it's a good way to get a look at what's up with my hip, especially because now I am running a fever too. She also ordered an MRI and I think it's not an open one which means I'm going to be in a coffin like tube. Jeezus...Sorry, I gotta bitch about this because it's kind of freaking me out right now.

I keep feeling tempted to cancel it, say "hey it's not that bad" and just suck it up. But then I remember how much it sucks when my hip goes out. It's hard to be responsible about this, especially when it seems like the docs would let it go if I did.

I'm feeling very acutely how much this sucks at the moment. Yesterday was a big fat migraine day too. I need to take a second to whine that this really fucking blows since all my life I looked forward to being in my 30s because then I'd be a "grown up", away from my evil parents, young enough to still be healthy and old enough to maybe have some financial security, and instead I've spent most of the last four years feeling like I'm fucking 78!!!!! Shit shit shit motherfuckingshit.

I'm in such a bad mood. It's probably good I'm not going into school today. I feel like starting a fight with someone.

Ok. I think instead I'll rent stupid movies, maybe paint later.

On the plus side, I bought a laptop. It's pretty, well it looks pretty online (here's a picture of it). It's not here yet, but it will be soon. A pretty little Sony Vaio, supposedly < 4 lb with a 13" screen and far more power than my 2002 desktop Dell. I broke down on the laptop after the second hip outage, and I ended up with the pricey one because I need something that's lightweight but with close to normal sized interface (no wee tiny elf sized screen and keyboard for me). I figure the laptop is good because I can run my experiment on it without needing to use other people's shit and I can work reclining instead of sitting upright at my desk.