Hrrumph2

This has been a not so great week. I really want to blame the mid week holiday for screwing with my attempts to have a regular schedule but I know there's other shit in there.

I'm a little down because I couldn't spend my sister's birthday with her. I've tried to do this most years since I've been back east and it truly depresses me that I couldn't do it this year. The reason for my having missed it was not lack of time. It was lack of health on my part, which is in and of itself quite discouraging and possibly a significant part of the reason a bad mood is nipping at my heels today. This morning I woke up to hip pain again which sucks but which also reminds me why a two hour car ride would have been a bad idea this week.

My sister's in her new place, nervous about her new job, doesn't have her cat, and didn't have anyone to celebrate on her birthday with. While not celebrating a birthday on some random day like say September 25 sucks, not celebrating your birthday while everyone in the fucking country is having a big party seems like it would suck more. I feel like I should have been able to get up there yesterday or even Monday but one too many ill fated attempts at pushing what I am starting to realize are sometimes very narrow limits have ended not only with me seriously fucked but with my friends and family fucked because they wind up helping me get un-fucked. Pushing too much is irresponsible and ultimately counter-productive to the goal. Knowing this doesn't make the limits less disappointing though.

I believe also egging this mood on is that tomorrow I have a doctor's appointment with a brand new doctor. I wasn't consciously aware of this until I started trying to get a copy of my x-rays from April and noticed how completely furious I was getting at what really is just standard normal phone run around shit.

I'll try to attempt some attitude adjustment before then. I need a mantra - something uplifting and fortifying. Any suggestions?