When you're talking in your sleep

I woke up late today on my friend A's couch. He is in San Diego and I was alone in his apartment. I'm still not used to sleeping alone, and I'm even less used to sleeping on A's sofa. I woke up disoriented and with the words "I love you" on my lips. I didn't know why. I thought about it over coffee and I couldn't remember any dreams. But I realized how long it has been since I've said "I love you" to someone and meant it unreservedly.

I thought about it more on campus this evening and I realized that it is October 23rd. October twenty something seems to be when I think a lot about relationships, where they are going or where they went. I have a habit of ending long term relationships around October twenty something. It has never been easy, even when I am sure it is the right thing for me to do.

It being October twenty week might explain why I can't seem to get my ex s.o. off my mind this week. I thought it was just PMS. It was at the point where I almost called him twice today. I even got as far as dialing the first digit of his phone number then realized that I didn't really know what I intended to say and that I didn't think either of us would feel any better for my having said it when I figured it out.