Hamburglar or Grimace?

My sister and brother once posed the following question to me.
Hamburglar or Grimace? If you had to fuck one of them, would you fuck the Hamburglar or Grimace?

I had no idea where this came from. I still don't. It sparked a lively, revolting debate at the time. I thought of it again recently.

I was catching up on the news today, checking out the story on a certain conservative commentator's suspension from CNN. It caught my attention although I don't usually follow the TV news or I guess what I can only loosely refer to as popular media. I do the AP stuff, look up a story on Google if it interests me to see what else has been written on it. This one, I think the reason it caught my eye was because I feel like there's been a degeneration of what the public seems to be willing to accept as serious journalism. I know, another hint that I really am naive. You'd have thought life would have smacked that out of me by now. Golly, I don't know though. I remember little slices of TV news from childhood, and it just seemed like although there was always this sensational side of the news, everyone knew that this type of sensationalism was not to be confused with "serious news". There was a distinction. I don't think there is anymore. Not when a debate on CNN, not FOX, but CNN who at least when I still watched TV touted itself as this very respectable news source, ends with one member of the debate storming off the set in a huff and swearing - not that I have anything against swearing but the conservatives are the ones who are just crazy about the indecency. For a high profile political hobnobbing conservative commentator to swear on CNN, I mean that's like Bush getting video taped dropping one of his daughters off at a clinic to have an abortion or Lynn Cheney publishing a novel with homoerotic overtones.

So there I was reading this story about the CNN commentator, and a quote in it reminded me of another person I think needs to go on the "odious fuck" list. I won't put the name in because the assbag or his numerous dim disciples troll the web for his name I am sure. Assbag makes a habit of not just ripping on politicians, government officals, journalists, or high profile (paid) editorial staff online. He goes out of his way to find small fry private folks who are using indy media resources to express or discuss their views. Assbag seems to like to get all bunched up (and to encourage his readers to launch ad hom attacks in the name of journalistic inquiry) about even clearly very personal and non-pro blogs like this one. And while it might be kind of unique to have a bunch of crazy conservative birth defects' opinions on my health, school, and love life, I dunno, I guess I don't really want all of them to have a link to my blog bookmarked on their browsers.

If you follow internet political malarky of the mass media variety (journal), you'll possibly know who he is (street). I only know of him because this spring he made a habit of insulting someone close to me in his online column (wall). You know, you google your friend who writes editorials for her school paper and your results include christofascist web rants referring to her via some assbag's mass media journal publication. Those people are dangerous spooky psycho and it kind of pissed me off that this guy targetted someone dear to me in his big media smear column.

Well, I've given it some thought and after reading various bios on the assbag, I've decided that among other things, the man is entirely unfuckable. This may in fact be his problem. Perhaps I should start a campaing to send him sex toys? Make the world a better place?

So here are your choices.
If you absolutely had to fuck one of them, who would you have sex with?

a. Hamburglar?


b. Grimace?


c. This assbag?