Bad enough

As if it weren't. I just ran across a reference to what is coyly described as a Megachurch on another blog. And there's a soap box down here, but first, a Caveat:
I want to qualify this entire post by saying that I am NOT a christian in any sense of the word at all. I was raised in a very catholic area, attended Sacred Heart Elementary school for one year, and did not make any sacrament other than my christening. I attended congregational church for a while in my early adolescence, mostly out of a desire to try to find some kind of positive relationship with my mother (didn't work). Also, we went to Mug and Muffin for breakfast after....mmmmm. I have read a couple of versions of the bible. When I was a kid, we each had a copy of a big fat children's bible. For a while, my siblings and I would take great amusement reading the passage where someone holy says to this guy "Why have you beaten your ass three times?" In high school I was on a mythology kick, reading Irish, Norse, and Germanic fairy tales as well as a modernized language bible (start to finish and if you thought the Iliad sucked, try the whole bible sometime). In college we read the shit out of what I was raised to think of as the old testament. So I am not religious but I am interested in religion and while I never found the bible as compelling as other stuff like prechristian roman and greek religions/mythology, I am at least somewhat non-ignorant about the religious heritage I was raised in. Also, I do usually respect sincere spirituality. BUT! be warned, this post is choc full o'disrespect for church/religious trends, which I do NOT see as being the same as, engendering, or born from spirituality. Not by a very long stretch. Any association between institutional religions popular in western cultures and spirituality I feel is almost entirely incidental if not outright amazing.
Mega-Churches Offer Prayer, Play, Shopping
(excerpted from ABC news site)
March 27, 2005 — Americans are known for their love of "super-sizing" — from French fries to cars to houses — and on this Easter Sunday, many Americans are celebrating on a much larger scale, in huge congregations known as "mega-churches," where people can do much more than just worship. These mega-churches are places where members can not only pray, but work out in a gym, eat at a food court or browse in a bookstore. And they are becoming more popular across the country.
Oh this is my favorite part. Note the Reverend's use of the disjunctive.
The Rev. Jack Graham is astounded by the seemingly unending flood of people wanting to join the church. "It truly is remarkable to me," the pastor said. "I give an invitation every week, invite people to come forward to accept Christ or to join the church. And they just keep coming forward."

Full, creepy story is here.

I can't read it all. I got to that part up there where the reverend is bragging as if it's faith and spirituality (or even community) that's brining the people into the flock. Holy shit, can you believe it? How about maybe it's that they live in the middle of buttfuck nowhere and there is nothing else to do. Or that the communities are so uptight and "family values" that even if they live somewhere with real roads and the infrastructure to support a non-rural civilization, the crazy christofascist sects probably would have driven out most of the modern conveniences or entertainment we who don't live in Crackerville USA assume will be part of every city or well populated suburb. No bookstores that sell "dirty" books with lies about our great leader George WWJD Bush; no movie houses that show satan approved films which provoke in the youth homosexual thoughts, drug use, and gang membership; none of those so called "pharmacies" or clinics which provide items such as tampons and monistat that encourage women to behave licentiously and with wanton excess of their womb (I'm sure condoms are in fact illegal south of the mason dixon line and possession of birthcontrol pills can probably get you a charge of murder 1 unless you can pull an egg out of your ovary...oh, shit I just remembered I had a dream I was pregnant with twins! Eeeeeeek!, sorry for the stream o'c there.); no bars; no unionized supermarkets; etc.

Here's how the rest of the story goes in my head:
church sign
The reverend went on to say that he hopes people enjoy shopping at the church grocery store and outlet mall, which are now open to not only churchopolis members ("Or 'citizens' as we call them" said Jed Cartwright, a trainer at the fitness center in greater Churchopolis and a deacon for pews 101J through 201L) but offer limited shopping to members of the surrounding country as well. Citizens enjoy check writing priviledges, express check out, e-coupons, bags made of purple dyed linen, use of church blessed mules for carrying their numerous packages around the church, reserved parking, and eternal salvation. If a heathen shopper signs up for church citizenship today, he or she can use his citizenship immediately for instant savings of up to 20% off any purchase anywhere in the church with no interest for the first 8 days.

Halleluja! I do believe that our current form of "worship" needs to change (they can start with that term) but I don't think this is a step towards a form of spirituality that emphasizes personal growth, social balance, justice, and harmony. I mean this relative to all of the mainstream religions, not just the christian sects. Wall-Church or Churchopoles (Grk pl?) seem to be where the mainstream religions in this country have been headed for a while now, don't they? Get 'em in, fill the seats, collect the tithes, build a voting block. By all means, keep the flock engaged. Seen Dogma? If you're not catholic, the Catholicism WOW campaign will strike you as surreal. If you are, it is merely a slight exaggeration of a familiar theme.

Is it working? Does it bring people to the church? Yes. Does it bring people to god (whatever that means)? Are people coming there because they are hoping, in the words of the good rev Jack Graham, "to accept Christ"? I believe the answer lies in a quote from a typical churchopolis family. In the ABC story on the megachurches, the oldest daughter of this family says, "It's not like, 'Oh, gosh, I have to go to church and be bored and have them spit scripture in my face,'". No, it is not. She doesn't need to be bothered with shit (just one sound away from "spit" and also a bodily substance) like scripture, unless it's the Book of Paul wallpaper border that lines the nursery school. I guess she didn't notice the Book of Matthew tray liners at the food court. If she had she and the rest of the population of Churchopolis would be familiar with this one:
Matthew Chapter 22, verses 17-21
17 Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?
18 But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, ye hypocrites?
19 Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny.
20 And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription?
21 They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
(King James' Version Bible)