T & A

I'm on a quest. I want to find my underwear. This is no simple task.

Many many years ago, I used to wear Danskin cotton, but it seems they stopped making them. Then I went for the very similar Jockey, but I am allergic to the elastic they use in the trim. Let me tell you, that is NOT an ok allergy - welts in bad places. A couple of years ago, I switched to Maidenform. They had a couple of cute, cheap, mostly cotton designs that could be ordered online. But now they're getting all fancy. It seems my only choices are nylon ass floss or granny panties, also mostly nylon or some new fabric or another that "reduces jiggles". What? Yeah, that's what it said, I'm not making this up.

I noticed in my undewear search results that they're really pushing the bras. Big padded wired bras. Whatever happened to the bra-free days? When did bras become mandatory? Underwear is understandably more necessary I think, and on yet page after page I open, I am greeted by boobs squashed into the satiny tit-masher du jour. I understand bras are somewhat functionally necessary if you're breasty, but for women like me bras are mostly optional and quite often more ornamental than anything else. One thing I don't need is the usual scaffolding that is now, like the ass floss, standard. Hence, they are not as necessary as underwear, and yet they do dominate the undergarment scene.

I was bitching about my underwear discontent to a friend. He remarked that perhaps the next phase in women's underthings would be just a wad of silk that is worn by wedging it between one's cheeks. After searching hopelessly through the thongs, the tongas, and the string bikinis, I am thinking he might be correct.

Currently, he and I are debating how the boob song goes. As in the one that starts with "Do your boobs hang low?"

Any assistance, whether it's sightings of New England or internet retailers selling non-granny non-flossing cotton underwear or your version of how the song goes, would be welcome.