So how is old what's his name?

Recently the issue of Tom, my ex, came up (I think at this point I can just give him a name, seeing as how far too many people I know have names starting with T or A so the initials get confusing).

Last week when I was in the video store I frequent one of the clerks (Anne) asked in all innocence "So how's Tom doing? I haven't seen him in a while." Anne used to be my neighbor when I lived with Tom. She has asked about him since we broke up and I have given her a non-commital answer - "Sure, he's just fine" or something like that.

When Anne asked this time, I paused. There's only so many times I can politely handle that question and Anne happened to be the third person who had asked that day. I must have looked like she was the third person to ask about my ex because she then asked "Oh honey, did you and Tom break up?" I told her yes. She sounded sincerely sorry for me, us, etc. You know, we were that "nice young couple". You don't like to hear that the nice young couple broke up. You want to hear they got married and are living happily ever after.

Anne apologized profusely. I told her it was ok that she asked and that I just felt like I'd been answering that question a lot lately. I told her I often don't know what to say, especially when the person asking is someone like a faculty member or my department head. Because it's not like they really care or want to know about this stuff, they are just asking about Tom. They don't want to hear a "sob story" and honestly I don't want to give them one. So I can either fake it ("he's just great!") or try to find some way to be truthful without sounding rattled. Sometimes I want C, none of the above.

At this point in my conversation with Anne, one of the other women working at the video store (it was slow) chimed in. I am going to share her suggestion because I think it's fucking great.

When people ask how your ex is doing, just make something up.
Be creative. Tell them he joined the circus, started a cult, is working on a squash growers' co-op commune, whatever.

So far, I haven't had a chance to use this in earnest. I did try it out on some friends. My friend Sharon, who "officially" broke up with her partner of over 5 years the night before valentine's day (which also happened to be her 30th birthday), came up with "He's smuggling illegal immigrants over the border." We decided that if you slowly shake your head and add a sincerely stated comment like "Apparently there's a lot of money to be made in human trafficking" with a perplexed look on your face, it seems to lend a certain air of authenticity to the claim.

The stories to this point are:
Joined the circus (that boy can spin plates like nobody's business!)
Went on safari with his dad
Is building houses with Jimmy Carter
Moved to Australia to claim a lighthouse he inherited (I guess I never thought about it but it is just a big island)
Took a job as tour guide at the ruins of Nan Madol in Micronesia
Decided to take some time away from his dissertation to work on a fishing boat in Alaska (you can make a lot of money doing that I hear...)

Feel free to post with your stories of what my ex is up to these days. I'll let you know if I use your suggestion.